The Horror! The Horror!
An innocent family strolled through the gates: Mom, dad, a baby in a stroller. The autumn breeze wafted through the parking lot, blowing papers, empty coke cans, the dross of an unhappy childhood. The family closed in on the windswept courtyard, unaware of the eyes following them, or the danger that threatened their every step. They continued on into the bowels of the beast, into the very depths of the dragon's lair: This insidious thing called highschool. . .
So I needed to get a highschool transcript for my grad program. Brandin, Judah, and I stropped by to request one. I honestly haven't been back there since I graduated 6 years ago, and would you believe it, the maelstrom of emotions were still there. All the inadequacy, the nervousness, the feeling of being judged, the paranoia, they were just as strong in me now, as they were when I was sixteen. So strong, in fact, that I actually surprised Brandin into laughter (and I must add, a bit of justified ridicule) when I stopped before a corridor between classrooms and hissed, "We can't go that way, people will see us!" Am I an adult now, or am I an adult?
Hmm, isn't it interesting how influential highschool is to a teen, that 6 years later the feelings are still so influential and negative. It certainly gave me a new perspective on my teens in our youth group, that we cannot treat the highschool experience as trivial or insignificant. Those emotions that war so furious within these teens will not just "go away", but linger, perhaps buried and unnoticed, yet still strong enough to stop me, a relatively stable, happy adult, in my tracks. I walked through the hallway to the registrar's office and saw clumps of teens looking at us, then looking away and I felt a primal fear that seemed to permeate throughout my entire body: They're looking at me. They're judging me. They're laughing at me. I don't belong here.
I hope to re-read this, or at least remember these thoughts when I deal with our teens in youth group, or when Judah goes to school, so I can remember to listen and understand. Teenagers do not need another judge or executioner; they seem to do that all quite well in their own mind. Perhaps the next time your teen comes to you talking about perceived threats or judgments (however real or delusional it may seem to you), you listen instead of writing their fear off as unfounded. It certainly still feels real enough to me.
So I needed to get a highschool transcript for my grad program. Brandin, Judah, and I stropped by to request one. I honestly haven't been back there since I graduated 6 years ago, and would you believe it, the maelstrom of emotions were still there. All the inadequacy, the nervousness, the feeling of being judged, the paranoia, they were just as strong in me now, as they were when I was sixteen. So strong, in fact, that I actually surprised Brandin into laughter (and I must add, a bit of justified ridicule) when I stopped before a corridor between classrooms and hissed, "We can't go that way, people will see us!" Am I an adult now, or am I an adult?
Hmm, isn't it interesting how influential highschool is to a teen, that 6 years later the feelings are still so influential and negative. It certainly gave me a new perspective on my teens in our youth group, that we cannot treat the highschool experience as trivial or insignificant. Those emotions that war so furious within these teens will not just "go away", but linger, perhaps buried and unnoticed, yet still strong enough to stop me, a relatively stable, happy adult, in my tracks. I walked through the hallway to the registrar's office and saw clumps of teens looking at us, then looking away and I felt a primal fear that seemed to permeate throughout my entire body: They're looking at me. They're judging me. They're laughing at me. I don't belong here.
I hope to re-read this, or at least remember these thoughts when I deal with our teens in youth group, or when Judah goes to school, so I can remember to listen and understand. Teenagers do not need another judge or executioner; they seem to do that all quite well in their own mind. Perhaps the next time your teen comes to you talking about perceived threats or judgments (however real or delusional it may seem to you), you listen instead of writing their fear off as unfounded. It certainly still feels real enough to me.
posted by Laura Francabandera at
6:28 PM
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